Updated: Jul 12, 2022
Anxieties and remedies for those post-wedding emotions
You’re married, now what?
I always equate the day after your wedding with the day after Christmas. Adrenaline is wearing off, the shiny lights are softening and reality is beginning to sink in. Many couples experience some true blues after the wedding bands are officially on, and the big day is done.
Post-wedding depression is a term used to describe the feeling of anti-climax after the wedding (and honeymoon) is over, and the reality/ordinariness of married life sinks in.
Like many of life’s major milestones, your wedding day comes with an immense amount of pressure. The more pressures and mounting expectations come with a harder let down.
The spotlight is gone, reality’s sinking in…so how do you manage those bummed out vibes?
Firstly - and quite possibly the biggest takeaway here is - that it’s OK to feel blue after your wedding! You’re not alone. If you doubt me, just type post-wedding blues into Google. You’ll find friends.
When you’re planning, make a plan to be blue:
It might be wise to go into those final months of planning expecting it. It pays to take precautions if you’re concerned about post-wedding depression. Perhaps your efforts here, pre-wedding, will help you soak up the day a bit more than you would have otherwise. Understand that a perfect wedding day doesn’t exist…but your trust in the vendor team, and love for your partner will bring you damn near close!
Don’t worry too much about planning an immediate honeymoon:
Although the wedding farewell, red eye flight makes for a dramatic post-nuptial exit, it can be nice to stretch out your honeymoon adventures. Planning your honeymoon for 3-9 months after the wedding day can stagger that emotional come-down, and soften the blues.
Consider a mini-moon; perhaps you go up north (Wisconsin) for a few days right after the wedding. That way, you can return relaxed + refreshed…while having a beefier honeymoon to plan and look forward to.
Focusing on long-term vacations and relationship goals will help remedy the post-wedding sadness.
Post-wedding anxiety is also a thing. Many of these same feelings (listed above) intermingle with feelings that result from this anxiety. Past clients of mine have kept themselves up at night with wedding worries like:
Did everyone have fun?
Why didn’t I get more pictures of X?
Why aren’t more people posting photos on social media?
People were too noisy during speeches
I wore the wrong bra for my dress
My guests didn’t really understand X concept - Etc, etc.
To no one’s surprise, social media only exacerbates these feelings of post-wedding anxiety. My suggestion - as a non-licensed, non-therapist with no professional experiences whatsoever - would be to hop off social media first and foremost.
Once you’ve done that, give yourself the space to recognize that your wedding isn't the same as your marriage. Enjoy the shift that is married life, and look forward to your long-term goals as partners. Some examples of this are: family vacations, home-buying, pets, holidays, house projects, wellness adventures, etc.
The fact that you wore the wrong bra under your wedding dress has absolutely nothing to do with the success of your marriage - short or long-term. If you’re experiencing post-wedding blues/depression/anxiety for more than 6+ months, I’d say chat with a therapist! It’s worth examining the cause of your feelings.